3.18.2014

Tangent66: James Gordon's Mustache

The internet tells me that James Gordon, Commissioner of Police, Gotham City first appeared in Detective Comics #27 (1939). Here's what Gordon looked like back when gas cost a goddamn penny for a hundred gallons:

Hitler feared this man.
Now, Western culture has taken many hits over the ensuing decades. All sorts of trends have further diminished the greatness of the white male, mostly due to white males fucking everything up. But one thing was always there to guide us through these uncertain times, a simple but stalwart sentinel of strength- Jim Gordon's mustache. Well, not any more.
Set photos from the forthcoming TV series GOTHAM (a prequel to the cool shit we commonly know as "Batman") have me wondering just how early this series is set. This image in particular is of what I can only guess is an infant Jim Gordon, playing with his schoolyard friends at recess in the 4th grade... on a rooftop... with pistols.

When I grow up, I'm gonna have a pet dragon!
My theory on when GOTHAM is set is based solely on the fact that "Jimmy" Gordon is a hairless, not-quite-mature-in-the-manparts child.  When Gordon finishes the 4th grade at the end of GOTHAM's first season, I predict that he will sprout the mustache that Gotham needs (and deserves); the mustache that will symbolize Gordon's dedication to kicking criminal filth in the dick.

What we have here is a failure to testiculate.
The last time we had a hairless Jim Gordon was in the 1960s Batman series BATMAN about a Batman that did a Batdance for Batlaughs. The Vietnam War quickly escalated shortly thereafter.  I rest my case.

Now, before you start drawing mustaches on your computer screen to fix this sad display of machismo, I will leave you with a crutch to get you through the next few months- look at this image whenever you feel cold, lonely or hairless:

A hero can be anyone. Even a man doing something as simple and reassuring as having a mustache.
Until we meet again, James.

(This post is dedicated to @CheersIan, a true believer in "moustache" power)

4 comments:

  1. I know nothing of this Gotham show you speak of. That said, this has to be the best fucking read ever to learn of it's existence!

    Perhaps this will be a bumbling "Jimmy" Gordan who learns the hard way of the power and responsibility of the stache!

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    Replies
    1. Thank you, sir. Facial hair is serious business. I knew you would understand.

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  2. That mustache is making an appearance in season 2. It will be stalking Gordon, waiting for him to be worthy!

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